she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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