Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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