Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
