I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
