Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize