We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
