Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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