You're my little dorito
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
