make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
