Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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