the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
