Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize