i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
