Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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