she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Four minutes until I can fart!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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