Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
