I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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