Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
