I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
