I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
