I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
