I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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