life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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