I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
