and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
