I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just high enough for therapy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
