I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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