in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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