hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
