The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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