So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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