Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
