So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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