Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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