so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
