So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
