Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
