it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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