East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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