Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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