I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
