Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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