When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
