I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
