my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
