You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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