let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize