chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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