i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
