so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
