I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
