Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
