nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
