butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
