i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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