i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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