Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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