my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
