You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
