State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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