have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
