is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
