In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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