Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
