You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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