Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
