I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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