he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my liver is dry heaving
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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