therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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