Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
