i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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