I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
