you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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